Daily Journal

November 20, 2011

Hebrews 11:1 (amp) ¹NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, ^[a]the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses].
Hebrews 11:1 (kjv) ¹Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not see.



I need to express some thoughts about my last journal entry. Through a Bible study I am doing (different one than the one posted here) God showed me some things. I expressed fear, I expressed doubt, unwillingness to take one step. Negativity about that certain mountain, one that, to me in my limited understanding, is very looming and dangerous. Yet my wonderful Father in Heaven advised. Gave me instruction. 'It's time to go into battle, this mountain will be very hard, you must prepare.' 

 My worldly flesh rose up wanting to over power everything God has done for me. All the changes, all the goodness, all the renewing of my mind. IF only I would choose to listen to my flesh and to satan.. See my flesh and satan were screaming at me that darkness MUST be fought with darkness. That the dark in my mountain wouldn't fight fair, so I would not be able to succeed if I fought fair (by following God and all His rules).

Through my Bible study last night I learned that if God has a great task for me, that He will expand my character to match that assignment. I also learned that the moment God speaks to me is the exact moment He wants me to respond. That this is His timing.

Every christian I know says "in God's time'. So that says to me to be patient. Wait for the Lord. Just because He doesn't do something according to my clock or calendar doesn't mean He isn't answering or listening. BUT it didn't tell me that I was expected to 'stop, drop and roll' the very moment He spoke to me. So with my little faith I decided to list all the reasons I could come up with why it wasn't time for me to start this new journey around this 4th mountain. And guess what? God responded by showing me 10 different ways why my understanding is faulty. Why my reasoning is pointless.(Isaiah 55:8-9) Why I should be willing to stop, drop and roll each and every time and immediately because He says so.

God has a right to interrupt my life. When I accepted Him as my Lord, I gave Him that right. If I choose to ignore His interruptions, then He will stop. And I will not grow spiritually anymore. Our relationship will start to crumble. I will go backwards and become my old self.

The problem there, for me is that I equate my relationship with God like a crack addict does with crack. I NEED God, I CAN'T go without God, I WILL do whatever it takes to get me some God, I CANNOT think, walk, talk, live straight without God. I need God so much in my life for more reasons than I can list. BUT the main reason is because He has given me an unconditional love and forgiveness that not one single person or thing has ever even come close to giving me.  I can't live without that now that I've had a taste of it.

So I have begun my 4th mountain journey and actually have seen some progress in the just the first few steps. I know that this is to be my hardest journey yet. But I am okay with that. Because God promises me to always be there for me and to have my back. He promises I will prevail as long as I seek Him out and look to Him for guidance. And for this I will be forever grateful and at His mercy.