Daily Journal

December 15, 2011

Today I am still feeling disconnected. Have a longing, a need inside of me yearning for fulfillment. Last night at church I needed a word, yet wasn't able to 'connect' with the lesson being taught. Wasn't able to get my 'word'. Why? Because I have yet to return fully to God, even after writing and reading my entry, KNOWING I must return to Him wholly. Yet I am still floundering like a fish out of water. Ahhh but I did get a word.. I just failed to recognize it.. And of course as I sit here pondering my writings to you, God recalls a verse from last night



Isaiah 28:10 (NIV)
For it is: Do this, do that, a rule for this, a rule for that; a little here, a little there.”
Isaiah 28:10 (amp)
For it is [His prophets repeating over and over]: precept upon precept, precept upon precept, rule upon rule, rule upon rule; here a little, there a little.

In order for me to understand, to move in Christ, to grow spiritually, to maintain a daily, active relationship with God.. I must do it precept by precept (a commandment or direction given as a rule of action or conduct - as defined by dictionary.com), here a little, there a little. 

See while doing all my Bible studies and reading my Bible everyday and listening to hours of sermons every week consistently - I began to become lofty (arrogantly or condescendingly superior in manner; haughty) in my thought processes about HOW much I had accomplished. 

Paul in 2 Corinthians 12 speaks about this very subject. Paul speaks on boasting and in return God gives him a permanent thorn in his flesh in order to keep him from becoming conceited. Three times Paul asked God to remove the thorn, as it caused much distress to him. Yet each time God said to him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  


I needed some humbling this past two weeks. I have been soo excited and so full of Gods love and grace, I actually started to feel a little worthy.  But truly I ask you, how can I ever be worthy of what God has done for me? What Jesus has done for me? Is there anything I can ever do to pay for, to work for the gift God has given for us, me? No, is my answer. God hasn't placed a thorn in my flesh. Just allowed me to stumble and scrape up my knees a bit. Allowed me to 'run the show' and allowed all the aggravation and frustration build until I felt overwhelmed and empty again. To remind me HOW much HE did and still does for me daily. To remind me how very close I still am to the edge of chaos and disaster. 


I can see Him working in me, my home, my closest family members. I can hear Him teaching me, correcting me, guiding me. I can feel Him inside of my most inner dwellings remodeling, renewing. And it is so very easy to accept some of the glory of all things He has accomplished in me, through me.. After all I have to make the choice to allow Him to work in me, to listen to Him, to obey Him, to follow His lead.. So an 'A' for effort right? Wrong. 


Matthew 19:26 and Mark 10:27 
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”


So I get no fame, no glory, no awards. God does it all, did it all. He gave me the want to, the drive, the ability, the mindset.. HE did it. All of it. I just obeyed. And for this blog and His love and grace I again am humbled and remember where my power comes from. Where my thoughts, feelings and actions need to be pointed to and guided by.  So I will strive again to do as God instructs.


Colossians 3:1-4
¹ Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ² Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³ For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.